It is Friday night and I am sitting in a hotel room in Kennesaw, Ga. I am here with my teammates because we have two matches this weekend. Again, nighttime proves to be the only time when I can actually think and write. I guess it is really the only time when I am relaxed enough to write and when my imagination is at its highest. Maybe it is like this because I can turn back and observe the day. It is when everything settles down, people go to bed, world become quiet. It looks like whenever the world gets quiet, my mind starts to work. It is when I observe all that has happened in the past day, week, month, or year. It is when I can see everything clearly.
Right now, I am thinking about many things (shocking, I know). The thing that I have been thinking the most is how much should others know about us. What things can we say to our friends? How private can those things be? Should we say absolutely everything to our best friend or to our boyfriend/girlfriend? How much should our husband/wife know? What things should we not say to our parents? Is there a picture they have in their minds about us that we shouldn’t destroy? Or would that just be pretending, being fake with our parents?
If the answer is yes, we should tell them some things, what those things might be? How private and personal can they be? But, if the answer is yes, how do we know we can trust them? How do we know they won’t say it to somebody? How do we know they won’t change their minds about us? How do we know they will listen and help us?
We don’t. That is the most honest and simplest answer. We need to take a risk, if we decide to share some of those things with others. We need to risk it and trust in our hopefully good judgment that they will be helpful, that they will be there to listen to us and to offer good advice or help us. That is what life is all about (in a way). We need to decide who is worthy of our time. We need to decide who will be there for us. Who will be willing to listen and to help. That is the gamble. Sometimes, we decide right, sometimes wrong. Anyway, we need to make a decision. We cannot keep everything for ourselves. We would go crazy, plus no one can be completely alone and not share things with others.
I guess some of us are scared of doing that, we don’t know how others will react, what will they think of us. But, we need to free ourselves of that fear. Nothing good can come out of it. We cannot make connections without sharing some of the things with others. That is how we can see who is good for us. It is the only way to know. It is scary for some people (myself included), but there is nothing we can do about that. That’s life. It’s not all fun and games (maybe I am exaggerating a bit, but you get my point).
Anyway, to sum up all of this, I am scarred of saying private things to others. Mostly because I don’t know how they will react and what will they think about me. I am trying to calculate what some of my friends should know about me, but I don’t know. I have no idea. I guess I just need to go with the flow 🙂
PS: I posted this one on late, it was Sunday night, but I wrote it on Friday. Hope you guys will forgive me this 🙂