It is late Friday afternoon and I have nothing to do. I am just sitting in my room, staring at the wall and thinking. I am thinking about nothing. Well, I am trying to think about something but I end up thinking about nothing. Amazing. I don’t know how I do it.
I am in that mood again. Depressing mood. Not very depressive, but just down for no particular reason. I just feel a bit down. I feel like a philosopher (haha, I am pretending to be one, but I am not one, of course). I just like to feel like one. When this happens, I get in this mood of contemplating about my life, this world, everything. And when I am like this, I need to be somewhere outside, somewhere quiet. Perfect place for this mood would be on a cemetery right after it had snowed so it would be all covered in white fresh snow with no one around to see me. Perfect.
Maybe I should go, take a bus and then walk 15 min and I would be in my favorite place in the world. I know it sounds creepy and a bit depressing, but it is so quiet and peaceful. It is perfect for mindful contemplation (wow, I am using such big words, I am proud of myself).
It is only 7:30 pm and it is not dark yet. I have at least one more hours of sunlight. Hmm… should I go? I am bored anyway. Maybe something interesting happens.
I really love this place. So calm. The sky is orange and there are some clouds that give the sky the aura of ending. Clouds are thin and scarce, but they are perfect for this time of the day. One can clearly see just by looking at the sky that it the day is ending.
I am walking on the “main” road of the cemetery. I just entered it and I will just go where the road takes me. As I walk by, I am reading the names on the gravestones. Right now I am in the part of the cemetery where famous people of my country are buried. Fighters for freedom. Fighters for our language. Fighters for our country. People who achieved something in their lives. People who had a goal. People with a cause. They left a mark on our society. Great people. Great leaders.
I keep walking. So many insignificant people lie here. They didn’t do anything special. They aren’t famous. They didn’t leave a big mark on the society. It is like they never existed. Some of these graves haven’t been visited in years, maybe even decades. Nobody cares about those people. someone did, for a little while, but maybe they died, moved away, or just accepted the fact that their loved ones are dead and nothing can change that. Then, over time, they stopped coming. But, the dead don’t care. They are dead anyway. Cemeteries are for the living. They offer comfort to the ones who suffer. The living find solace here. The living respect this place. The living respect the dead. That is why it is so quiet here. That is why I like it. I can feel the respect, comfort, sadness, and hope here. Many come here to make promises and then go on to try to live life differently. Then they try to change and make a difference.
I keep on walking these lonely roads. Not many people are here tonight. I have only seen a handful so far. Now, I am walking on some less paved roads, probably the older part of this cemetery. Graves aren’t as common as they were in previous areas. These graves are very old; they date back to 1850s. Who knows if anyone has crossed into this area lately, besides the people who clean the cemetery.
Suddenly, I hear leaves rustle. The sound came from the right, but there is only trees, nothing else. that is weird. The sound made me realize it is getting late, it is already 9:30pm. I should head home. However, I heard the sound again. It feels like it is near me so maybe I should check it out (I shouldn’t but I will anyway). I take few small steps and remove the tree branches that were in my way. Hmm…there is nothing. Weird, I knew I heard something.
Now I hear something behind me. Footsteps. I turn around quickly, but there is nothing. This is starting to creep me out. I definitely should leave.
Hello, little one.
Wait, did I hear this correctly? Did I even hear something? No, this is wrong. I am leaving.
I start walking fast but I feel a cold breeze brush my left shoulder and chills run down my spine. Fuck, this doesn’t feel right.
Wait, don’t go. I will be lonely. Please, stay.
I am definitely scared now. I start running. I am running, but as I look back I hit something and fall on the ground. I look up and a shadowy figure all in black stands before me.
I told you, please stay. I will not hurt you.
The voice…it is coming from this. It is so weird, I cannot see its face or mouth. The voice sounds like it is coming from somewhere else, but I am sure it is this figure that is talking. But the voice is so distant. It is very quiet.
What is your name, little one?
” My name?”
The figure nods.
“Um, my name is Katarina”
Katarina, I have seen you here quite a few times. Are you not scared of this place? Are you not scared of being surrounded by the dead?
He saw me here before? What the hell? Who is this guy? And why did I tell him my name? What is wrong with me?
Katarina, please, answer my question. Are you not scared of this place?
“No, I am not scared”, although I feel very scared right now- “I enjoy being here sometimes. It makes me think about everything and it is very quiet and calm”.
Don’t be scared, Katarina. I am not a violent person. I will not harm you. I always come in peace.
Wait, what? I always come in peace? What does that mean? Who is this guy?
Many people are afraid of me. Many people try to avoid me, but no one succeeded. Many mention my name in a negative context, but I am just a part of the cycle. I am just a normal part of life. People come and go. People fulfill their roles and when the time has come, they leave this planet. What happens then, no one knows. Not even me. Whether they come back as humans, dogs or leave this planer and go onto another, we will never know. But, that is the beauty of not knowing. One can always wonder. It Is better not to know some things because then human imagination comes up with a plausible explanation that makes it easier for humans to deal with the unknow. After all, aren’t we all afraid of the unknown?
I say nothing. The figure says nothing. It feels like hours have passed since I heard the first sound somewhere in the woods. I need to escape. I feel very scared right now and I just want to run away. I will need to wait for a good moment.
I have seen many things in my existence. Positive and negative, it is all the same to me. The cycle is the only constant in this world. Do you know what cycle I am talking about?
Oh, shit. I don’t feel my lips; how will I answer?
“Umm, th-the cycle of life an-and death?”
You are correct. There is no need to feel afraid, dear Katarina. I didn’t come here to hurt you. You interest me. Not many people like places like this. Most of them are afraid and try to avoid them, they feel uncomfortable. You, however, you fascinate me.
Well, it is getting quite late and you still need to get back home. I will let you go now. But I have a feeling we will talk soon. Goodbye, little one. Sleep well. And remember; don’t be afraid.
As he said this, he just vanished. This is fucking insane! Am I dreaming or hallucinating? I really hope so. I look at my watch and it is 11:45pm. How is this possible? It was 9:30 few minutes ago, what happened? I feel really weird. This guy really scared me. I better leave, before he comes back. I start running towards the exit. Luckily, I have been here so many times so I know where I need to go to find the nearest exit. I don’t think I will come back here in a while.
I run and run to the bus station. I feel really tired and exhausted. The bus arrived. I enter and sit next to the window. I hope I won’t fall asleep.
It is after midnight when I finally entered the house. My parents are still at work. That’s good. I won’t have to explain what happened. If only I knew what happened. It was surreal.
I go upstairs to my room. I take a quick shower and go to bed. I am even too tired to think about all of this. I fall asleep quickly. My sleep was filled with dreams of death and life, fear and tranquility. It was a weird dream, but I don’t remember it in the morning. I just felt weird when I woke up and I knew my dream was weird. But I didn’t know why.
Also, last night almost disappeared completely from my mind. It’s like it never happened. It’s like I never saw the guy or went to the cemetery. But something changed, I can feel it. I just don’t know what.